didn't wanna blog today either cuz i just got home n i'm overloaded with work... but since this day comes once every 4 years, heck, work can wait... :)

past 2 days have just been insane... learnt so many things about myself and even pple around me... yes, i screwed up on sat, costly screw up, one i still can't forgive myself for. its really all my fault whatever everyone else may say... guess some valuable lessons i learnt shall have to be my consolation. and also, made me realized there are pple out there willing to go all the way with me... thanks, wouldn't have known what to do without you... :)

dinner was a buffet, so yup, basically, my whole day was taken up with no time for work... and today, after a late breakfast tt ended at 1230, and a shower, i had lunch soon after. then went to meet up with Dr Choong, weixin n nick for dinner... so yups, no more time once again for anything. but, its all worth it... nice to meet up with them again... n went to Dr Choong's church for service... its quite a new experience, very calming, makes u think a lot about things, and in a way, how u should improve as a person. i guess i'm slowly beginning to understand the importance of religion dispite some of its obvious shortcomings... anyway, its difficult to put down what i was feeling and thinking into words, so i shall just leave it at tt...

dinner was great!! Dr Choong insisted on treated us, really! haha... ok, so we spent lots of time just catching up and with nick and weixin defaming me at every possible opportunity... u guys... bad boys! miss the times we had at SRP, so fun... haiz... ah wells, its just a whole different thing this year...

hmmm, was a fun day, though it was a tiring one. felt asleep on many occassions today, the deadly combination of the hot weather, full stomach and lack of sleep makes it unbearable.

ghim moh lunch is fun!! it was damn funny cuz we were trying to sneak out... and aaron, being such a chicken (yes i mean it if u r reading this), was so scared of meeting a teacher he insisted we walked through the flats... was trying to scare him tt teachers would come in search helicopters to track us down... but well, he didn't believe me. anyway worth it cuz we had so much fun there and ate so much. we bought about six or seven plates of food, and the 5 of us just shared them... was absolutely bursting after tt... :S and in the morning, an hour ago, had 3 half boiled eggs cuz yx decided she only wanted a yolk cuz it was fattening... had yougurt and ice cream too...!! then during Bio S, nick bought me a waffle, and caryln lee just bought so much food, so basically, have just beeing gorging the whole day... well, those pple who said i've lost weight... i'm sure if i go on this way, i'll be larger soon... :P

arrrghh, school is just so draining... so glad for the weekend... just couldn't do work tonite... played halo with my sister, 1 last stage left b4 we're done with the game... so happy to have a sister who can play games with me... would be so bored otherwise... :P

ooh... competition tmr... hope tt it goes better than it has ever been this time... :)

woah... so touched by everyone... am feeling so much better now. thanks! :)

haha, was up till one, talking last nite... guess tt was what made me better... thanks a lot, really owe it to u, dunno how to thank u man... :) sorry if the late nite caused u not to be able to think so well during Chem test today, but think u'll still do well? yes? no? :P

k, i myself couldn't think properly. geez, when i was at the last question, was just exhausted. haha, took as much time to tt qn as the other 8 qns? wth... n i made a mistake, which i realised when the teacher said, "Time is up"... oops, ah wells, tt's my reward for not studying the nite b4 and staying up till 1...

hmmm, training today just made me realise just how much work i still need to work on. well, not tt i didn't know tt before... its just, so much commitment though... but i'd like to think i can do it. well, at least i learnt quite a few things today... :) thanks dude...

nd also, thanks a lot for yr hershey's chocolates and card... really lightened up the day... stay healthy and good luck for sat... wun be able to watch u... sorry... do yr best and it'll be enough... :)

and so it continues...

i feel so dead... am wilthering away. dun wanna do anything anymore... everything is so painful...

something i can totally relate to... esp this year

Fallen, Sarah McLachlan

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to *those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one *misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed


Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...


I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

anyway, i feel tt life does have to go on, after the mourning and the rememberance, honouring of the memories... afterall, as someone reminded me, the world doesn't stop turning...

finally got my Sarah McLachlan CD from nick... been listening... her ethereal voice sort of suits the mood today... am quite pleased with the fact she penned all the songs, and played almost all the instruments in the CD, too bad she didn't produce it. Wonder what it'd have been like if she did tt too...

went back to Terra with nick today at bugis... was afraid it would bring back some horrid memories of the staring incident cuz we were both wearing bright orange shirts... fortunately, my fears were uncalled for. well, tennis lessons went well today, so i'm glad... finally in ages. coach gave some constructive advice... shall attempt to learn...

some horrid stuff happened... yeah, affected a lot of pple. looking around, can't help but feel sad too, sympathising with his students, but not really knowing what to do or say. how i at least made those 2 pple feel better, which i really tried to... and to everyone else, please take care... this just makes me realize how fragile life is... must really cherish everyone around us more than ever...

yesterday was dramafest... was really good! worth the time and the money... for more details, visit cm's blog on the bottom right... anyway. was so glad med fac took home the top honours... felt their play was really good. i loved it! kudos to emilia and yihan for their nice acting too... oh, and simin for her great directing and acting... :P

ok... today... not a fab day... not at all. had U20s competition today... i guess i did fairly well for the round robin... won 4 lost 2... was the 2nd best from our school... (after nick)... was ranked 13th of 39 after tt... so was quite happy. even during the round robin however, i made some bad mistakes, and was quite dismayed when i had lost 2 matches in a row... thankfully i did pull myself together to get through quite well.

however, direct elimination was a totally different story. think i've learnt a lot from it. i was playing quite a high risk game tt got me up 5-3, and later it went to 7-7. i was supposed to win this match being ranked higher... so naturally, had some confidence. but then, at 7-7, that guy did some great moves, and got the lead... and before i knew it, it was 12-8. at tt point in time, the alarms should've been sounding in my head, and i should've been doing things differently. but no, i thought i would still win, and just went on, not picking up my game and focus. heck, till it was 14-8, match point, then i said, hey, time to concentrate. too late, simultaneous hit, 15-9, match over. it was over in less than 3 mins, the time pple take for a 5 pt match. wth... sure, i was doing well at first, but then i just let my standard drop... and i didn't bother to pick it up. guess my arrogance killed me this time. maybe i should've concentrated more, and respect my opponent more. its good tt i thought tt i could still win, but i guess at the same time, be more wary and focus. sighs... felt like shit. i just let it escape my grasp.

and then the next piece of news i found out... my interview with the IBO committee was a failure. well, i went it not too serious once again. and i guess i didn't put up the right image... should've took it more seriously. was never tt keen to join - mugging lots for a competition is not my cup of tea, and i did tell them tt. guess they didn't like what they heard or saw... dunno why i was actually upset about it, guess it must have been the previous lost, and i was hoping for something to redeem me, and instead got let down again... so yeah...

anyway, team event next week. think its important for me to be more focused from now on, in whatever i do. so i shall be. u wun see the unmotivated and unfocused me anytime soon... at least not for things i wanna work for.

nicer day today... thank god... :)

ran more than 6km today... timing was not bad too i thought... though i probably slowed nick down... haha... sorry... :P should do this more often to keep fit... just realised i actually do have some stamina, its just running round the track bores me, and an average timing within the B range contents me usually... should aim higher in the future... :)

after running, played twisted metal black w nick... hmmm, got so confused w the controls at first... haha... damn blur cuz i'm too used to xbox controls already... but i guess it was fine after a while... was fun! :D

anyway, have been slacking too much lately... wth, everyone is faster than me in tutorials... as in seriously everyone around me. so freaked out cuz i've not even finished tuts tt will be examed in lecture tests soon... haha... should do some work soon... :p

okie... 3rd day of my 'shit feel' mood... haiz.. day was horrid... pple around were generally feeling sucky too i guess... wth

generally felt sucky in school, ponned bio lect... at least mag was ponning, so had some company. then, after sch, some stuff tt just made my whole day stink happened... ah well... during training, fenced ok i guess... won first 4 matches... all very close... 7-6 mostly... guess it just shows tt i can win tight matches... hope i can keep it up. greatest triumph was over alvin... amazing what could be done if i put my mind to it. too bad my greatest triumph in ages had to come at such a time tt i was unfeeling towards it. ah well...

new cd cupboard came... supposed to be happy...

hmmm, even america idol today sucked... wth. can those pple even sing? maybe camile and one more of the others. but please, what an ear sore.

k, enough of this. its not nice to hear...

hmmm, generally in a sucky mood... guess its a carry over from yesterday? haiz... sucks... and just got scolded by my dad like mad... maybe if i didn't say anything, it wouldn't have made him so pissed? sighs...

haha, well, long talk w nick after reaching e train station was the cause with it though... and i dunno... these long talks - always e same? but guess they help calm me, think more out of my perspective even if i dun admit it... wonder if they do anything for u? yups... thanks anyway, for the long time u spent there... sorry about e other things...

anyway, thanks for the handphone chain... its just such a coincidence i got another one on Sat... ermmm, i can't really put both together... haha, and i tried attaching yrs to the other, but someone said it doesn't go, so i attached it to something else tt goes everywhere with me... my wallet! hope ya dun mind... tell me if u do k? thanks a lot for it though... :)

and it sucked tt Chem S ended so late tt i couldn't go for CIP... i so wanted to see my charge... she needs all the help she can get man, foundation is so weak... sighs...

hmmm, the norah jones' new cd is pretty good, d/l it from the net... kinda the slow jazzy music, great when u r feeling lazy... :)

2 things about yesterday... Shima Restaurant was great, the food was so good! Ate till i almost burst... and Halo was fun too... except i kinda got lost... but Chem S was not good... equilibria is hell... thank god i finished it today... :)

hmmm, just had a few thoughts yesterday after someone told me about his problems with chasing a girl... and well, its quite similar to what another person told me today too. it seems like since the beginning of last year till even this year, most of my friends who were seriously depressed got depressed over guys/girls they liked... cuz they got rejected, or encountered problems... guess i just have a few things to say about this...

i wonder if the so called 'love'... is really something good afterall... seems to cause so much hurt and pain... why do pple go after it without sparing a thought for anything else? is it really worth it? and love is a 2 way thing, so no matter how much u love a person, u can't make tt person love u back. so if u've tried, made yr feelings clear, then i guess, there's really nothing more about to do... don't worry, the problem REALLY has nothing to do with u... sometimes, attraction just doesn't happen... like someone was asking me why i didn't like wanz... :rolleyes: ermmm... how am i supposed to answer tt? cuz i dun find her attractive? ;) :P yups, so just try to take things in stride, yes u can't just make the feelings go away, but really, there's nothing u can do if you've made clear your feelings and done all u could. take care my friends...

oh, went shopping today after sch... got my new wallet and bought a few presents! yay... :)

my legs are still so suan and aching... :( nevermind... will get stronger legs...

haha, anyway, today was quite a fun day... after fencing, nick and i met up for lunch at secret recipe... had the delicious lamb stew! :) heh, was good... zp was just staring down from the balcony, looking at chio bu down below... hurhur... then we had lovely chocolate cakes... Chocolate fudge, Chocolate Banana (!!) and Chocolate Walnut Chip... they were all very yummy... and chocolatey!! haha...

after tt, we went to watch Lost In Translation... well, it was a packed house, a a supposedly very good movie... but i think it was too artistic for me cuz i didn't really get it in the end... the acting was good, and there were some funny parts, but i didn't really get it... arghh... :(

hmmm, then went arcade! haha... haven't gone in ages... played some shooting game with nick... we lost the same amount, but i guess he was generally more accurate than me... bah... haha... :P

then did a little shopping, clothes are so cheap rite now!! i wish i could buy more... :(
walked around somemore, looking at expensive stuff i can never afford... and when i was in a CD shop, god, there were just so many CDs tt i wanted... :S

haha... then we went times to read funny books and cuz i was trying to find something... glad i found it... :D hehe...

after tt, went to meet my parents to buy a sofa... wow, its so comfy... i'm so happy!! and the lovely new TV stand is so much better than this crappy cupboard we have rite now... hurhur... yes!!!

and today, my sister gotta go MTV Asia Musica Awards... wah... she gotta see Blue, Mariah, Black Eyed Peas, Yanzi... etc... am so jealous!! :(

anyway, thanks everyone for their lovely gifts and all... makes v day this year more fun... :)
was quite happy...

haha, and cuz its so long... yr phone chain is so amusing... :D

my legs are positively dying... haha... but guess it was a pretty fun and satisfying day...

lessons as usual and somehow, i managed to finish my GP essay in school today and handed it in... :)
after lessons was total defence day... hurhur... k, so i signed up for the Defence Day Race... its sort of an amazing race style game... thought it would be fun, and it was actually quite fun... :)

We got our clues from a seemingly very pissed off Jane... hmmm... it was this gur with spiky hair... so yilan guessed it was the esplanade... and right she was... and she just wouldn't stop boasting abt it... WHATEVER yilan... haha... we had 5 members in our team, so we very well couldn't just grab a cab to get to the esplanade like we wanted... which would have given us a huge time advantage, so tt sucked... and when we got off at city hall, we could see all these groups running out madly of the train station, some went out through the city link while other groups went out to other stations... got many curious stares as we tore through city link... Haha

ok, so when we reached the amphitheatre at the esplande... we had a task... we had to send someone to the merlion and convey him a TDD message... which was so hard cuz it was so far tt u can't see a person's fingers or anything... so we had to resort to shouting... which didn't work. I Love Singapore became Protect Singapore... maybe yuan needs to cleanse his ears... as a result, we had to do a forfeit or suffer a time penalty... we did the forfeit... sing a song to passer bys and make them clap for us... yay, so we could go...

our next stop was some street in arab street... we got there and got our clue... this one was quite easy, we just had to find a shop tt sold a specific kinda silk... and we returned and hurriedly went to the next station... the Kranji War Memorial... there was a hell of a challenge which i stupidly volunteered for. i had to drink 1.5 litres of water and frog jump round the memorial... wah... drinking the water was the hard part since i had just gulped down 750ml of water b4 tt? stupid me... so i jumped, and with the water bouncing up and down my stomach, i felt like puking... but i finished it, got our next clue and ran off...

off to little india... well, it was fun cuz we got to take NEL... something I never had the chance to do before... its so much better than the line i take... hurhur... :P okie... so we exited the station and had a shock... 5 exits... which one do we go to? so we called HQ... and they just said, go find yrself... whatever... LOL... so we went and found the station masters hiding behind some pillar thing... hmmm, so helpful... then we could choose between 2 tasks, either finding and buying some food thing and finishing 3 of it, or finding out the ritual b4 entering a Hindu temple and the oldest one in Singapore... after the water, i forcefully opted for option 2... haha, and it was a good choice after i saw the food... so huge! so we asked around, and actually, we already knew the ritual... but weren't sure of the temple... so i just anyhow guessed, and somehow, i got it rite... and we got to move on... (dun ask me how to spell the temple)

next place was MITAS... prominent building... took NEL again... bad choice i reckoned, should have used bus... cuz we spent so much time going up and down and waiting for trains... at MITAS, the most spastic task awaited us yet... count the number of windows inside and outside the building... we just guessed at first, and failed... then went to count... and failed... cuz the pictures of the building didn't show us one side... haha... sad case... so no choice lor, after wasting so much time, do forfeit... was quite fun actually... i had to use a marker and draw two circles round cm's eyes, color his nose, then draw whiskers on his face and write TDD messages on his hand... haha... if i'd known we just had to do this, i'd have just surrendered earlier... BTW... there are 911 windows on MITAS... and i asked another group... and he managed to randomly guess the number correctly cuz he just thought... hmmm, police station, gotta do with 911 rite? and somehow, he got it rite... WTH!!

after tt, we reached the last station, too late... and had to turn back... sadness... then too bad... Jeanne Tan looked so tired... said she'd never ran so much in her life... LOL... Mr Chan said it was good exercise... well... i was so tired too, esp since i was the one doing the frog jumps... but i guess it was fun in the end, had good fun la... :) wish we had finished the last station though...

after tt went with cm to play tennis at yihan's house since all the balls were there... lied to the guard i was visiting a friend... borrowed the card to book the courts from yh's mum... then went to the guard house and lied i was a resident to get him to open the courts and turn on the lights... haha, i'm good... :p

then we played... was not very good since we could hardly move and the wind was swirlling... :(

played a match... and i beat him at last after losing a few times... 6-3... glad i was serving better, it really makes such a difference when u get a 1st serve % of more than 50... and i improved on my consistency, which i felt was the key... yups, so tt was good...

and i finally found what i was looking for at J8... am so happy... :)

btw, thanks for the card... so sweet of u... the design is quite nice la, since u made it yrself... :)
sorry mich, dunno what's up with Jane... guess not tmr then... some other day can rite? :) cya soon... haha... :D
and christelle dun worry too much la... just ignore... ;)

oh yes, during civics today, there was this exercise we were supposed to do - we were supposed to write down the strengths and weaknesses of a random person he chose for us... and i got lin ming... erps... its just amazing tt i didn't know anything abt him... haha, i talk to pple from other classes, and even other schools more than someone in my class... i was so stumped... think i only spoke to him 2 or 3 times last year... :S

and yr -hugs-... tt was amusing... LOL... :D

the end of the week is here... am so looking forward to fri and sat... :) heh!

ok, the interview to get through to the training for International Bio Olympiad didn't go very good... haha, but then what was i expecting being so candid. well, so it started off with, do u know us... i stupidly said yes, thinking tt recognizing a familiar face was enough... but nope... what a great start... :)

haha, then it drifted on to asking me abt my experience during SBO... and apparently, i thought tt i had done the worst in ecology and did ok in cell bio... wrong... oops, so they proved tt i was wrong... haha... k then, came the part about whether i expected a medal and if i was disappointed w my results. i said yes to both, so they asked what went wrong... so i told them the truth, which was tt i had no time to prepare for SBO... then they were questioning my motivation. then they asked me for my hobbies, and i said tennis and tv... hurhur, then they said tt, tt my explain y i didn't get a gold... ok...

then came SMP and SRP... i explained my SRP just fine... but SMP... well, i made a mistake when talking about a hypothesis... so i was grilled by the president of SBO... yes, i made a mistake, i know a hypothesis is not a question.. i'm sorry i made a mistake there... now i know tt a hypothesis is a deduction based on some logic tt u wanna test and see if its consistent with some data.

so they asked me abt my sec sch, and primary sch... and they guessed i was a gepper since i was from tao nan, and there were 3 more such pple here. hmmm... then one of the professors proclaimed tt geppers had low eq, based solely on his one experience, which he relayed to us, much to the amusement to the other pple... and of course the president of the SBO had to add in, "What arrogance these pple..." haha... hmmm...

in a form we had to submit b4 going for the interview, in response to a qn asking if i had any particular interest in science or biology, i said none, just in general. then, when asked what field i'd like to go into in the future, i said, either chem or bio... so it was a really broad kind of answer... and tt does not settle well with pple...

last part of the interview came... they asked, so what will u do to ensure u'll get selected to represent singapore if u got through to the training. hmmm, i said i'd try harder, and give my best. and stopped. so the professor added, u should be more focused. looking at yr answers to the questions, we can tell u are not very focused... u can't decide what field to settle in, and u have no particular interest in science. then he asked if those competitions i won in science were general science competitions, so i said, yes... then he looked at my SBO scores, and said, yeah, even yr scores are very general, u scored the same every section of the paper, plus minus one... and the president chirpped, at least tt is some form of consistency. so tt was it... think i'm screwed... haha

PS: Katie Webber and Fantasia were so good yesterday! :)

its late... xq is a tired boy... haha... always am on tuesday since its 1015pm when i settle down... :(

anyway, i shouldn't sleep too much, or rather, wake up too late, like i did on sunday morning - am still feeling the after effects, haha... what happened was i woke up at 1pm... so when i tried to slp at 12am... i was awake less than 12 hours? so i ended not being able to slp the whole nite, slept at most 2 hours... was so horrible!!

fortunately, my day yesterday was still very good... so good! :) handball in the morning was fun, helped to wake me up a little... then monday being so slack, passed quickly and quite amusingly since everyone seemed cheery enough... then went to nydc with nick for lunch... first time in dunno how long already... mmm... then went coffee bean to do work... got stuck on physics for damn long... at least i can do it now... :P

tennis wasn't too good, but dun care since i was so sleepy... but what was great was... GRAMMIES! haha... someone on the show said something abt, "pple who dun like music are stupid..." then added... "well, they wun be watching this"... haha... performances are great... as always at the grammies... loved white stripes, beyonce, alicia keys, celine, outkast, sting and christina... i especially thought white stripes, alicia and beyonce put up a really good live performance. white stripes made me sit up, cuz they were playing their own instruments in the song, all of it, with only a 2 player band... plus the improvisation at the end was so good... and coordinated. alicia was pitch perfect, charmed me with her piano as usual, and her interpretation of a classic was just... amazing... :) beyonce... her vocals were soaring, and she captivated her audience with so many different styles of singing when it was only one song, and they all linked and flowed into one another... perfect! and as usual, pretty and elegant :)

many funny moments as well... and touching ones too... esp with luther vandross... was so happy when Dance with my Father won song of the year... truly deserved it... and when celine sang it, it was just magic... since her father recently passed aways as well... it was a pity her mike wasn't working during the performance... so we couldn't hear her clearly...

anyway, today, i got a new student for cip... its a bittersweet feeling... cuz this student wants my help, but then its sad to lose a student u've developed some bong with... but this student is taking lots outta me... her foundation is kinda weak... she's in P5 and can't do fractions at all... had to try to teach her from scratch... not sure how much she understood cuz i was trying to jump yo improper and mixed fractions and how to add and simplify them... and she had a hard time understanding... and her stupid teacher expects her to do 20 questions in a day? gosh...

oh yeah... the chicken rice stall in school is FINALLY selling chicken rice... haha
and chem S was quite fun today... :)
and thanks for the ex present... yeah...

and i really appreciate u using what i gave u... am very thankful...

how everything has changed over the past year... has everyone moved on but me? looks like i ought to as well, or the world will leave me behind...

whatever i say just comes out the wrong way, nothing i say is ever right since that day... in that case, just take things whatever way u choose to...

nice day today... so glad to get away from the monotony of school i guess...

morning was fencing, and i didn't free fence today which was probably why it was a good training... ;) haha, ziao lian actually asked me to train with him, and he pushed me so hard till i just sort of collasped in front of him cuz my muscles couldn't handle it... haha, looks like i really need to work n my strength...

then, went back to school to meet yuan and cm for lunch... we went to pastamania at parkway... where there was an interesting debacle... cm asked yuan to order for him, and somehow yuan got his food b4 either of us, and 15 mins later, our food still wasn't here. so cm concluded tt the waitress must have assumed tt yuan was having 2 plates of food, and decided to serve the other plate late so the food would be nice and warm... sure enough, the moment yuan finished his food, cm's and my food came... then, somehow, a fourth plate of food found its way to our table... apparently i ate the wrong plate of food... :S so anyhow, yuan just gobbled down my food, leaving me with only 2 prawns... what a pig! :S

haha... then we left for tennis... well, it was 3.5 hours straight of it... at first my timing was just 'immaculate'... but i guess after a while, things started to get better with some minor changes to my grip to adapt to my wil swing... haha... things started to get better i guess... :) was so exhausted after tt...

just came back from dinner at Tony Roma's... its so ex... gosh... but the food is pretty good i guess, i ate so much, till i'm like bursting now... :S the apple crumble and starters there are just superb...

yups, and thanks for the concern everyone... but i got over my SATs score yesterday... :p

was really in a sour mood today, tt is after getting my SATS score. sure, i expected a horrid result since i had the thought of annulling my score after taking the test (what stopped me was the thot of wasting $$ which i wasted in the end...), but i guess, after recieving my scores, i was still shocked and horrified cuz i had certain expectations after getting a good score after doing a practise paper.

no one seemed to understand... i wasn't so mad at first, but some classmates just had to keep asking even when i said don't ask... then they started saying things like, "i bet he got 1590, tt's y so pissed" and stuff like tt... gosh, tt's just so irritating.

the thing is things haven't been going rite for me the whole year, this year at least. i have been ill every fencing competition there was (and there's one tmr, though i'm not taking part, i'm ill again), and it affected my stamina if anything la. then of course, i was fine before SATS, and it just happened tt during the 3rd section, piercing pain shot through my ear... for 2 sections, i was distracted... tt just sucked, cuz i couldn't concentrate. and after tt, though the pain wasn't so bad, i was just discouraged and giving up... my bad i guess. my point is tt, i've just been so discouraged this year... everytime i've got a chance to regain my shattered self-confidence, i fall... haha, it just feels sucky... this is not something i can control rite? just feels like i'm at a disadvantage before i even start... discouraged and frustrated i was today... but more importantly, angry at myself for being so weak, getting discouraged so easily.

yeah, and the thing abt classmates saying those things? haha... its just stressful... its like they expect me to do well, and when i do, its fine... however, when i dun, it just becomes awful. embarrassing and i just feel sucky la, cuz its like u didn't meet expectations.

and all those pple trying to console me by saying tt everyone else is getting scores like this.. well, dun think u understand me at all... haha, i have expectations of myself. and just cuz pple around me aren't performing well, it doesn't mean i'll satisfy for something less. haha... nick, i think u r rite... too much of u has rubbed onto me... :p i will get the self confidence tt used to be a part of me back... and more importantly, find tt fight in me which i've lost somewhere along the way last year...

well, since i know i can do better, i'll just try again and do it!

thanks alot to aaron, wk, jl, nick, yx and anyone else who tried to encourage me today... sorry for being such a sour boy... haha

hey pple... just had dinner after my tennis lessons... i swear i was gonna collapse if i didn't have a rest... so tired. not tt it was really vigorous, but maybe cuz i've been getting so little slp, and my body is just not completely recovered yet... haha... and this being my first lesson this year, what with all the rain and me being sick, i guess it was ok... though as usual, i took a hell of a long time to get into a groove.

gp lesson was so funny today. b4 gp, me and yixin were discussing janet and her... breasts... ;) haha, u know tt Superbowl performance? haha... yups, she reckoned it was a publicity stunt, but i reckon it was one tt went wrong... tt's y it got exposed. the piercing has been there for sometime pple... :p haha, and she was bashing janet during gp lesson today, and so i just kept quite there. then mrs chee went on about how its a publicity stunt, and how tiger beer ads put well endowed women w beer even though they've nothing to do w each other... then she talked abt cars! and abt how in this ad, the car was too polished and the girl trying to lie in a sultry position kept sliding off the car... haha... then she says tt all this is to target the male cliente, and it works! then she points out tt all the guys in class were grinning away and thus proving tt it works... errps... then stupid aaron had to volunteer me to defend janet telling her i was fan. ok... so mrs chee was like, now now, dun be embarrassed, state yr pt of view. so i obliged, saying tt piercing was there long ago... and mrs chee cocked an eyebrow and asked, how did u know tt... wah... okie... so i just valiantly tried to defend myself and her... and we ended with the conclusion tt the media is to blame... haha

oh yes, and bree told me something really amusing today... jeanne tan stepped on her today... *ouch* and yes, she does weight alot... well, at least according to bree... ;)

PS: american idol is so amusing... watch it!!

i've got somemore stuff to say actually... but i dunno how to put it across... but well please stop being so depressed, yes u can't help it, but dun u think its abt time u pulled yrself out of this hole? its just impossible to approach u, much less help...

Birthday Present!

hmmm, didn't wanna blog today cuz i've not started on work yet... reached home so late, but i guess this day, somethings happened tt i wanna remember... :)

my 3 dearest friends, finally gave me my bday present... haha... (i never thot it'd ever come out of nick's house... haha) thanks so much u guys, esp zp for spending so much time fixing it up... it's a lovely 1000 piece puzzle, glow in the dark too... and it has dolphins. dun think i've ever liked a present more... :) i guess hk was rite yesterday... i should really be happy with my life... wonder y e hell i complain so much, and get down on myself so easily...

anyway, guess this managed to turn my day around... haha... dun wanna talk much abt it, cuz i dun wanna remember it. i just wonder, how many trainings have i came out feeling satisfied with myself? almost none....

PS: met miss heng today... haha... she's as 'interesting' as ever... same attitude man.. and she claims tt i've slimmed down... wth! lol... sighs, wished we had teachers like tt still...

am dead bushed... so tired... bah... :( wanna just sleep... hurhur... luxury...

anyway, today was actually good... haven't felt happy in sch since i dunno when... was quite thankful... :) thanks to everyone who made it great... :)

started off with a surprise! my og dragged me with them... and guess what? hey, there was a bday cake there... yes its a bit late, but its the thought the counts... nice chocolate cake and since i was kinda hungry, i was really content... :D love u guys... ;)

then, the day just proceeded as usual... and jeanne tan missed checking my tutorial again... she checked the rest of the class, so i was glad... my impression of her is improving... ;) haha... spent a greater part of my break doing my gp compre due last monday? haha... managed not to get caught for a week, decided it was hazardous to continue... :P

kk, still got a whole lot of nonsense to finish... bah. pe was fun... this is my first lesson in 2 or 3 weeks... haha... i missed all the pt and skipped straight to soccer... and i was goalie for half the match, glad i didn't let in anything... :P ok, nick, yes my goal is smaller, but i'm smaller size too, so my team mates decided to compensate... ;)

had dinner at 4pm, believe it or not. well, i dun have a choice cuz at 5 there's chem S lesson, and straight after tt have to rush for CIP starting at 7.30... so brilliant!! ok, so i admit, i'm hungry now... :P

hmmmph, chem s was seriously brain draining. was so bushed after it... died in the cab to CIP... couldn't stay awake... and went i went, i just couldn't be bothered to argue with the girl who refused to do her work. couldn't summon any energy. sighs, its so difficult... at the end of the day, i'm so tired, and i've to help others with hw when my brain ain't working? tough call... well, i feel kinda sad now though. this would be the last session with my tutees. i didn't know tt beforehand, or i guess, work wouldn't have been so important? might have tired to say some stuff tt would knock sense into them. but such is fate. they were deemed not suitable for the programme cuz they are *special* kids... well, slow in development, so i guess we aren't the best equipped to help them. even i can't deny that. well, its sad to see them go, afterall, i've spent a greater part of my tuesday nights with them, and if i didn't feel something for them, i wouldn't be doing this cuz i find it hard to cope with the fatigue. yup, and i've to constantly search for gifts for them, to bribe them to do their work... i've bonded with at least oine of them, leaving is hard... esp when u dun get to say goodbye at all... ah well... hope you all would mature and get some sense in... please do... i wanna see all of u go further in life. new charges next week, wonder how they're like...

i gotta decide whether to accept or reject the international bio O training by tonite... but all of u managed to change my mind i guess... not a single person said not to go... so well... what more can i say. not too keen, but i guess i could reject it after i've tried rite? heh... wished u were here with me though... so u'd feel better at least. or maybe, tt i didn't get it...

yup anyway, think i'm lagging in every aspect of work cuz of my lack of discipline. sucks... aaron told me so... well, not like i didn't know before tt. forever in front of the com or tv... lack of slp is the price i have to pay. haha... stupid fool.

so tired... claire and aaron still in my room, waiting for their parents, also tired... :p

actually, i got lotsa things to talk about... haha...

lets see... yesterday was an up and down one... fencing was actually not good... am freaking rusty after my long break from it due to illness... thank goodness i didn't sign up for the open conmpetition... if not i'll just be some mincemeat for the pple... :p

went shopping for presents later with nick... wah lao, spent so much shopping... about $40 in all? haha... and bought lotsa tennis accessories, was like $50 at a go... feel so bad! should've let huishan buy some now that i know she wanted to bu some for me... ;)

then had tennis... gosh, it was so freaking hot... well, what could i expect? it was at such a horrid time of the day... just got burnt to death... played a grueling 3 set match... played well at first, then just wilted in the heat... bah! so sad... it was so dramatic though... fought back many times, too bad i still lost in the end...

then in the evening, was supposed to go jl's place for his party! haha... too bad i didn't feel like going, was just too tired. didn't feel like socializing at all... so i just got my parents to bring me to kuishin-bo!! it was very nice... well, a bit ex, but really good too... not sure if its worth it, onsidering its $40 a person, think there are places with more food? well, not like i could eat much more anyway... ate 2 plates of sashimi, then grilled makarel, some paper steam boat thing, which is so cool!!! and lots of tempura and other stuff... damn full, felt like exploding... so at least i was happier.

haiz, this morning was trying to do work, couldn't do much, got really down on myself. guess its just these few days, can't really do anything properly, really irritated with myself. sucks.

had to get ready for class bbq, was quite sian cuz had to run all over the place and get lotsa stuff... first, had to go train station to fetch the junior class plus some classmates... so i did... then, had to start the fire, and run up to my house to get lotsa stuff... well, guess it was all worth it in the end. think most pple had lots of fun... :) heh... the food was really good... had prawns (!!!), really good chicken wing, just lots of good food cuz everyone kept their end of their bargain and brought things. so we had a feast... teachers brought many things too... mr lim had his *special concoction* which was really good, some sweet alcoholic drink with much fruits in it... :D

didn't get drunk... yay! i drank quite a lot k... ;) so am happy...

oh, then we had this stupid thing where me, mag and wk decided to throw excess fishballs into pple's houses... wow, was damn fun lor... but then we got scared cuz there were pple looking, so we hurriedly stop. hope the owner doesn't complain... think its the second or third floor... hope its ser jin's, so he wun get pissed... :S

hahaha... ok, then me and mich had a food fight! she has prawn and corn stain on her, i got corn and potato... ok, damn childish...

ok, so i'm damn tired now, maybe i should get some work done... :P